Category Archives: Epic Fail – Not Worth It

Chia Seed Wraps (Epic Fail)

This recipe is very simple to make but not worth the effort, time, dishes to clean after making it, or the flavor. Using a lettuce-wrap is far superior to the poor taste of this “wrap” AND it may be unhealthy, too. Why? While the wrap is cooking, before it full dries out enough to eat (if you try you will soon discover the wrap is still chia-seed slime in the middle) it starts smoking like bad oil burning. It doesn’t taste like it burned, but it looks like its having a problem with heat. Cooking another one on a lower heat, didn’t prevent that from happening.

Wet, even after cooking, flexible, but it tastes like slimy chia.

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 Cup Water
  • 1 Cup ground chia seeds
  • 1 pinch salt

METHOD:

  1. Begin by placing 1 cup of water in a pan over medium heat.
  2. Add a pinch of Real Salt.
  3. Meanwhile, while you are awaiting the water to boil, grind 1 cup of chia seeds into powder.
  4. Add the powder to the boiling water and stir vigorously.
  5. Divide the resulting dough into 4 portions.
  6. Roll 1 portion at a time between two layers of parchment paper.
  7. Cook in a dry, well seasoned pan. Turn when finished cooking on one side. Enjoy.

NOTES:

  • there are a number of pinterest pins of this “wrap” and also several channels with videos of this being made.
  • my original thought was that perhaps adding some soy sauce or liquid aminios to the water, before it boils, and adding a small amount of ground caraway seeds may make this taste like a rye bread flavor. i didn’t try it.
  • the pan needs to be very well seasoned as otherwise this dry cooking method will cause the wrap to stick to the pan and cause an awful mess.
  • its hard to get this off the parchment paper after rolling it. it sticks. it sticks to its self.
  • the end result is a rollable, foldable, bendable wrap which tastes exactly like chia seeds.

Everything “Bagels” (Epic Fail)

Today, I tried a very popular (in terms of the number of times I’ve seen it on various people’s Pinterest accounts, YouTube channels, and blogs) but for me it was an EPIC FAIL! This recipe isn’t even worth washing the dishes it created!

EPIC FAILURE:

Why is this recipe a waste of time, effort, and ingredients? Because the sweetness of coconut with the garlic/salt of the everything bagel seasoning was too much of a mash up. Speaking of mash up, the pre-baked dough literally looked like and tasted like mashed potatoes. Even after baking, while it looked more like cake, it still tasted like lattkes or smashed spuds. The texture was also rubbery. Having said that, I am still blogging about this recipe as a way of recording that I’ve tried this recipe as I don’t want to try it again, by mistake.

TIPS OR TWEAKS?

It could work, perhaps as: a. muffins instead of trying to parade its self as bagels. b. as spiced sweet such as cinnamon (raisin), pumpkin spice, or apple pie spice, or even classic spice blend together like an old-fashioned spice-cake. These do not rise much so perhaps making them in a ramekin or muffin tin would work better where the “molds” could hold more batter than the small donut pans. It tasted best with some butter on it.

INGREDIENTS:

  • Faux Eggs (to replicate 3 eggs use 3 TBSP arrowroot powder dissolved into 3 TBSP water)
  • 1/2 cup plus 1 TBSP coconut flour
  • 3/4 cup coconut milk
  • 3 TBSP coconut oil
  • 1 TBSP gelatin powder (unflavored)
  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp melted butter
  • everything but the bagel seasoning

METHOD:

  1. Mix together in a small bowl, 3 TBSP arrow root into 9 TBSP water. Stir well and set aside for 15 minutes. Stir before using as an “egg” replacement (or simply use 3 eggs below where this egg replacement is called for in the recipe).
  2. This recipe yields 6 servings so lightly grease a six-hole donut pan with coconut oil.
  3. In a bowl, mix together coconut flour, gelatin, baking powder, and salt until well blended and any clumps are broken up.
  4. Add in wet ingredients (“faux eggs” coconut milk and coconut oil); mix well to combine.
  5. Distribute dough into donut mold pan.
  6. Brush tops of donuts, before baking, with melted butter and sprinkle on everything bagel seasoning.
  7. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes (toothpick will come out cleanly)